Why I am not Voting for Harris

I have not been talking politics and voting decisions with anyone but my husband because I tend to get worked up in conversations and lose hold of the spirit I want to maintain in explaining why I am not voting for Harris. Also, it feels like people are pretty set in their ways and conversations tend to quickly deteriorate into preaching and guilt-tripping. Yuck. I detest pontification whether it’s by those who think voting Harris or conversely those who think voting third party is the only “right” thing to do. So hopefully this isn’t that.

My reflections below are specifically in conversation with the argument that if you don’t vote for Harris, Trump will win. And Trump will almost for sure be worse on Palestine and every other issue. Climate. Abortion. Immigration. You name it.

And it tracks right?

I just recently became a citizen so this will be my first election, but I’ve been watching. And I know others who have been voting.

Voted for Nader. And got Bush. And then the wars.

And then again voted for Bernie. And got Trump. And now Roe is gone and the Supreme Court is conservative.

And they remember. And internalize. And think. If I vote for Stein (or some other third candidate), we might get Trump. And who knows what will happen then? To Palestine. To the US.   

Better vote for Harris just to avoid getting Trump.

This is the lesser-evil argument, which only work because the current dysfunctional US electoral system makes it work. This maybe would not be a conversation if say we had a ranked choice system where voters were free to express their support for the candidate that more readily aligns with their goals and principles without worrying that this expression - or vote - will be wasted if the majority of voters disagree on their first choice. Votes get split. “Other” camp wins.

I am not a voting system expert, but I don’t need to be to understand that, if a system is such that my expressing my honest preference for one candidate consistently means that I actually get my least desired choice, that it is a fucked-up system. I think almost everyone I talk to (on nonelection years) feels the same way. But have succumbed to the reality of it. We grow old. We grow cynical. We realize we can’t change the world. This is just how it is. We can’t make our decisions any other way until the system changes.  

But why would the system change if we keep feeding it?

It seems to me that every election in recent memory (if not always?) has always been a lesser-of-two-evil scenario. And will continue to be if the system itself does not change. The worst part, to me at least, is holding the people who tried to imagine something different culpable for the undesirable results.

Because you voted for Nader, we got the war. Because you voted for Bernie, now Roe’s gone.

But the maybes and what ifs are endless. And can go both ways. Maybe we got Bush because not enough people voted for Nader (out of fear of the outcome that came to be), and not the other way around. Self-fulfilling prophecies are a thing right? Or maybe Nader would’ve been forced to make the same decisions if he were elected. Or maybe if Bush wasn’t elected, we wouldn’t have had Obama. And if Obama wasn’t elected, maybe Trump never would’ve emerged.

And if we’ll base our decisions on hypothetically what-iffing the past, we can also do it to the future. What if Harris wins, and Trump supporters rally for another incursion? A more damaging one? What if Trump wins and makes the same (or worse) horrible foreign policy decisions on Palestine, but now democrats are more willing to criticize these policies rather attempt to justify it to tow the party line? What if she wins, and he runs again in 2028? If he’s alive, he probably will. If he’s not, maybe a much-younger Vance (or some other acolyte) picks up the torch. And then what? A repeat of the now?

It’s always urgent. It’s always all-or-nothing. It’s fucking exhausting. And draining. And just too much noise. Who can make decisions like that? I know I can’t.

So, here’s what I have come to believe.

I have no control over the ramifications of my decision. I only have control over the decision itself. My vote.

One-too-many norths makes for a warped moral compass. I can’t think of all the endless hypotheticals. I need to pick my north star.   

Weighing the different pros and cons of our different decisions is something that we all do everyday. It’s good to realize that life is not black-and-white. There is plenty of gray. But there’s nothing really gray about the US’ role in Palestine. Not to me at least. We each have a breaking point that forces us to rethink our day-to-day calculations. This is mine.

I cannot blame politicians - be it Biden or Harris in the US, Sisi in Egypt, Abbas in Palestine and the many, many others - for not doing "the right thing" when I myself when put in a decision-making position, make one that – in all the noise - loses sight of the very basic of moral principles: do no harm.  Both Harris and Trump are actively harming people in Palestine (by unconditionally sending funds and weapons to Israel) and in the US (by shifting their funds to prioritize war abroad over healthcare or education or housing in the US).

I can’t tell if my vote is inconsequential and nothing is going to change regardless of what I do, or if it’s so consequential that the entire future of the world rests on my making “the right choice”. It’s probably neither. Or both. I don’t know. But I know it’ll have consequences for me and mine if not the world. I think if I vote Harris I’ll spiral. Moral vertigo if you will that’ll make me lose my bearings.

Sometimes when a decision feels too complicated to make with my head, listening to my heart helps.

I know that a world without hope is not a world worth living. Voting for Stein and hoping that something unexpected - maybe magical? - might come out of it feels…like hope. Maybe that's stupidly naive. But in this moment, I would rather be naive and believe in magic. Than cynical and accept that this is the best that humanity can offer.